The Art of the Thanksgiving Queue

Get that thumbs-up from an aunt or uncle

Thanksgiving is two days away and while your mother, father, grandmother, grandfather… I don’t know who does your holidays… but someone does! And whoever that is, they’re likely slaving away to make sure you and the rest of your ungrateful family members will be so full you’ll throw up all over the bathroom sink. So, take this opportunity to offer something in return… something that will be cherished by the chef of this holiday. That thing is a playlist.

That’s right, this is YOUR time to SHINE. This is your Super Bowl. The moment you’ve been waiting for to subtly show off all the music you’ve been listening to this year before you face blast everyone with your Spotify Wrapped in approximately two weeks. But, it must be done carefully. You can’t front load the playlist with Waxahatchee and MJ Lenderman without breaking it up with some Van Morrison, the Band, Etta James… all the players that make you feel warm and fuzzy with a glass of wine, a cold brew, or some spiked cider.

So what do you do? What is the art of perfecting the holiday playlist for your family so that your old school relatives, your wanna-be-hip older sibling, crotchety uncle, and painfully Gen-Z cousin can all enjoy the holiday and not have to resort to political discourse and career lectures?

It’s all about balance and groove. Start it off simple. Simon and Garfunkel perhaps? But play something off Bookends or Bridge Over Troubled Water, NOT Sounds of Silence. And don’t play “Mrs. Robinson” or you’ll lose them. Now that everyone’s comfortable, keep it going with the classics while slowly adding a bit of an edge, some tele-twang, some slide guitar, maybe a little Allman Brothers, or CCR? Keep it going in the roots, no one needs to hear Pet Sounds on Thanksgiving. And remember, there needs to be Grateful Dead going throughout the night, but nothing too long, and of course always live tracks (unless you’re playing “Box of Rain” or “Brokedown Palace”).

Once you’ve got a groove going, splash in some new stuff, but keep it in the tempo of the playlist, tempo is key. Once the tempo changes drastically, the older relatives will begin to question your capabilities and by consequence, your entire generation. It’s important to win them over on this or else they’ll never take you seriously. I suggest that you mix in some Twin Peaks. I’d recommend “Under a Smile” to ease them in. A lot of artists can work here, but it’s important to keep alternating with familiars. When you play MJ Lenderman, Duff Thompson, Waxahatchee, and others, you’ve gotta balance it out with Wings, Faces, Neil Young, Bruce, and other artists that will have everyone thinking they’re in their glory days.

Now that you’ve introduced some newer artists with the same welcoming tempo, you neutralize. It’s time for “The Man in Me” by Bob Dylan. It’s a crowd-pleaser and will give everyone an easy Big Lebowski conversation to bond over. From here, it’s important to cleanly transition to new sounds. And there’s no better transition band than Wilco. I like to think of Wilco as the through line between the generations. But which Wilco song? Because you just played “The Man in Me,” energy is picking up, so you gotta go with “ELT” from Summerteeth. Now, the holiday is your’s.

While you still need to play your cards right, you’ll have way more freedom and overall, the music isn’t being inspected as carefully. When everyone sits down for dinner, be sure to transition back to calming sounds. You don’t want people shoveling down a dry bird while listening to Pavement. For me, food calls for Joni Mitchell, Joan Baez, Nick Drake, and you can throw country guys like George Jones and Waylon Jennings on there.

Once dinner is done, this is your time to really spread your wings. Everyone’s full and soused and possibly looking to keep their buzz going. You can’t let them fall asleep. You aren’t a naptime DJ. You ease them into the second half with “Real Love Baby” by Father John Misty, the perfect hit-assuring song written in the 21st century by someone whose lyrics are generally indigestible for passive listeners. Then BAM, you hit them with the Cure. Go with “In Between Days” because you’ll be in and out in under three minutes and before they know it, the party has restarted.

Now it’s time to go a little wild, but remember, you’re still entertaining a group. Put on Courtney Barnett, Kurt Vile, the Nude Party, Hurrary For The Riff Raff, up-tempo Big Thief, soft-sided Dinosaur Jr, not too Irish Fontaines D.C., anything from the Replacements’ Don’t Tell a Soul, and in between all these, put in some fun John Prine, Willie Nelson, Exile-era Stones, Lucinda Williams, and more.

The most important thing to remember is that this is YOUR time to SHINE. It’s the moment you’ve been waiting for so leave it all out on the field. Don’t hold back songs because you’re hesitant to show your colors. While you want the approval of your older relatives, you also want them to know that even though you don’t own a home, get paid hourly (or not at all), and have little saved up, you’re still better than them.

Here’s the playlist below. It will continue to be updated until turkey day.